Here’s a little guide to breaking down the emotional and physical effects of adderall on the average, non-psychotic, schizophrenic-free, lazy human.

Unless you’ve been living as a drug addict in a filthy crack house in Compton for the past five years, chances are you’ve heard of the controversies surrounding amphetamines – specifically Adderall, and more specifically its prominence on college campuses across the country.

For anyone that has ever tried this little power packing stimulant, you will know that it’s effects are un-fucking-believable. Within the first hour of taking the drug, you feel more focused, determined, alert, on task, active, everything you’re usually not on a hungover Sunday morning and have a weeks work of homework to catch up on. But what these side effects can translate to, in terms of activities when one is not taking the drug for the sole purpose of studying, (at least in my personal opinion) can be very interesting… You may find yourself feeling:

  1. Friendly. Old friend you haven’t seen in a while? Call, write them an e-mail, or talk to them of facebook chat for a little while. The “speed” effects of the drug make communicating with people more enjoyable: you have so much to say that you can barley get the words out of your mouth fast enough.
  2. Strong, positive emotions. I love this song, this web layout is beautiful, the layout of this magazine is blowing my mind, etc. You will find yourself appreciating the way things are put together to produce a larger, aesthetically pleasing result – something you wouldn’t usually bother noticing.
  3. The urge to organize everything in your life, whether it be color coding your underwear drawer or putting every file on your computer into overly specific date and alphabetically ordered folders.
  4. The desire to take on a new task – something that normally you would think is a good idea but wouldn’t dream of having the motivation to complete it.
  5. Emerging yourself completely in any task you’re already involved with while waiting for the drug to kick in (a special warning: don’t start playing tetris, bejewled, pacman, or anything else that could steal your attention for 3 hours if you’re trying to get something important done). You can read a book or watch a movie and come out of it feeling like you’ve been in a trance.

Speaking of trying to get important things done, that’s the reason that most college kids take non-prescribed Adderall in the first place. To write essays, homework, stay up all night studying. But there is another side to the drug that’s not all about school work. You can also use its magic focusing powers to complete other, more interesting activities, such as completing your quest to find the funniest video on the internet, going through your itunes library to complete your list of all time favorite songs, or going through friends’ pictures and going through pages of google searches trying to find the animal they most resemble. Sadly, yes, I have done all of these things. And I have no regrets.

As someone who has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and taken the drug on a mostly consistent basis for about 6 years now, I have learned the ins and out, ups and downs of concerta, ritilan, adderall, and the like. I can tell you the street prices of these drugs, how much you should take your first time, how to deal with the stomach aches, dry mouth, and other side effects, drinking orange juice will make your comedown easier, drinking excess caffeine will probably make you miserable, eating will make you less irritable, and melatonin (available at drug and vitamin stores) is a miracle sleep aid. These are the things doctors do not tell you when you’re failing chem and would rather cut off your own rotting arm with the closest tools in reach after you’ve been trapped under a fallen boiler in your basement for two days then attend summer school. These are things that only experience and hours of reading online forums about stimulants can tell you.

I am not and never will be a doctor. I have more important things to do. But being a google junkie as I always have been, I’ve tried searching for adderall and have found not one comprehensive site that tells me the important stuff about my medicine. Of course the chemical facts, purposes, side effects are out there.
The listed medical side effects may be easy enough to translate into why you’re feeling what you’re feeling.

  • irregular heartbeats
  • dry mouth
  • headache
  • loss of appeptite
  • diarrhea
  • insomnia

But college kids are getting smarter – if they’re going to fuck around with a non prescription drug they’re gonna want to know what they’re fucking with. It’s important that information is out there, not just the physical side effects, and it’s important that after you’ve taken 30 milligrams and you’re obsessing over something to obsess over you can look up whats going on inside your brain. Or what to expect before taking it. Or why your friends are being so short with you when all they’re doing is looking up which picture of a screeching baboon most closely resembles your default picture.

As always, be careful: don’t do something you don’t think you can handle, do your research, and pray that your friends love you enough not to compare you to the this fish.